tales from the hood

monday to friday, my life revolves around approximately a hundred seventh graders. these are not just any teenagers. they are very... unique? i guess theyre pretty normal. but before i started working there, i can honestly say ive never met anyone like them. and the things they say, blow me away. i couldnt make this shit up if i tried. in order to make myself chuckle on tougher days, i started to write them down. and then i started to share them. and now, here we are. god forbid my journal gets burned in a fire, i cant bear the idea that these words will forever be lost. and so until i write my tell-all book and become even more famous than esme (raji-codell, for those of you who have never read her amazing books about life as a teacher), theyll be in blogworld ha. heres to the good times in room 206:


it all started last year, on 4/20. which apparently had sentimental meaning to marlon. his journal entry read simply, "4/20 HOLLA.  IM A YOUNG MONEY MILLIONAIRE."  um what? are you high? ok, thats just a pointless question.


many more good times took place with my first "official" class.  like the time rayanha told me i was the HBIC (thats head bitch in charge).  or when they named our class pets, the random mice that took up homestead in my classroom. logically, the smaller faster one was named edward cullen "because everyone knows vampires are fast" and his fatter brother, weezy f. baby due to "his bad ass swagger when he crawls across the room". another personal favorite took place when, nineteen minutes into the school day, phillup jammed three of my fingers in a desk. on the day of finals. when i had to hand-grade a hundred tests. fml. or when shawn dropped a stack of textbooks on the same hand three days later. double fml. i miss last years class every day. they made my first year incredible.


without fail, this year started off with a bang. when i told my homeroom the rules on the first day, jahmeer wasted no time, standing up to shout "THIS IS BULLSHIT!" ah so good to be back. a couple days later in study hall, someones cell phone went off. the ringer was dmx - stop bein greedy. it took me a good five minutes to get the boys in my homeroom to stop barking. vocabulary words were also an issue for my new crew of children. discussing the word bungalow (which btw we had been talking about all week/reading in our story), brahin tried to convince me that it was a club. my confusion only convinced him to further his argument, "you crazy, miss l. ask jayz."  if you dont get this one, google bungalow8, a popular hangout for rappers that is featured in many of their songs. i rounded out september with this gem...
me: you owe me 9 assignments. thats ridiculous.
brannedon: gimme a break miss l, im not gona be the next chris brown doin grammar.
me: but you are gona get grounded. im calling your mother.
brannedon: ill dedicate my first single to you if you dont.  
[flashes me the first of many shit-eating grins]


this was only the first month? oh boy, was i in for it. times got tougher, kids got rougher, my patience got thinner, standardized test scores got stagnant. there were times in the first half of this year that i wanted to quit. to just walk out and try something else. there were many points when these moments, few and far between, kept me from "throwing in the towel" if you will....
me: what is wrong with you all today?
clarence we dont feel good.
me: we? you ALL dont feel good?
clarence (straight face): weve got a PHEVER.
[my entire third block class takes the RALLY TOWELS out of their desks and starts waving them over their heads. obviously i joined in.]


they knew i was at the game (a very important one) the night before. and they knew id like their little display of phillies pride. can anything top that feeling? probably not. but the laughs i got from the time que'shon asked "how long have you had your weave in because yo hair is craaazy" comes close. when she tried to save it by telling me "its sassy. you look just like beyonce in the single ladies video" i almost keeled over. then i realized we were laughing at my lions mane of hair, and made the mature decision to pull it back. i often get myself in trouble when i try to make references to the outside world. case in point, who doesnt know the song from annie, youre never fully dressed without a smile? apparently jeremy. his impeccable timing and wit, combined with my principal's perfect entrance, left us all with the question "youre sayin i can come to school wit no pants on? ahh shit." often, my students from last year "school" my newbies. morning entrance duty was extra interesting one morning...
marlon: she aint married. its MISS luciano.
rakwon: well she about to MRS. davis.
[this is where i pop up behind them after overhearing the whole thing]
me: excuse me gentlement. i hope youre referring to your single dad. i dont date teenagers.
rakwon: that aint even right. you way to fly for my dad!


in my district, kids come and go. lots of moving around, change of custody, eviction, and various other hardships. keeping that in mind, i try to put on a happy face and find out a little bit about my new friends. i expected the usual story from cj. moved in with my grandma, taking the bus from philly, my cousin lives here yadda yadda. not this time! when i asked if he moved, cj told me "nah i just broke some girls jaw." fabulous, welcome to my homeroom.


happy new year! the fun keeps coming... i have to give tahj credit for making a literature-to-real world connection. but apparently my class is like the real world version of the greek mythology underworld and i am hades. not even persephone? "in your dreams." awesome. many of the kids are obsessed with random facts about my life. jersey comes up alot. especially thanks to mtv. i try to let it roll off my back. when brahin told me "yall are crazy" and asked about MY jersey shore nickname, i told him i had one. and they asked me to be on the show. but i decided to teach instead. that went over real big in the seventh grade rumor mill.


ill leave you with the final, and i think darndest installation yet...
[im driving away from school when i see tahree, a 2nd grader, throwing his paper money from math class all over the street. i pull over. fun ensues.]
me: tahree, what do you think youre doing?
tahree: oh hey, miss l! im just makin it rain.
me: how lovely. but youre also littering.
tahree: rain is NOT litter, its "participation." geez dont you know anything?
me: man, i guess not! good thing i dont teach science!
tahree: or math neither. 
[then he gives me the peace sign and skips away]


how freaking adorable? and maybe thats just cute in my warped idea of whats normal. but thats my world. and though i may complain, i really do love it. more seventh grade fun to come before the year is over. i can promise you that.