coffee is [not] the new vodka

listen up, folks. im about to hit ya with some wisdom. a few years ago, they tried to say yellow was the new black. oh please. scientology was the new buddhism. gag me. and then working out was the new sex. do i even need to elaborate? now theres a new craze sweeping the dating world. and  i dont like it.  gentlemen, coffee will neverrr be the new vodka. maybe if this was match.com and we were 40something second-chancers nervous to get back out there after a bitter divorce. but were not. we are fresh, vibrant men and women in our prime. there is no need to fake it with a coffee. hit me with a martini, please. grow a set. none of my friends will be either impressed or even remotely entertained as i regale them with how much "enlightened conversation" we had in a snuggly booth at starbucks. or how "sensitive" he showed me he is over a frappuccino. waa waa. ok so maybe people enjoy those stories, but nobody i know! they like the real dirt. and theres no possible way to give it to them if you ask me out for coffee. nothing remotely scandalous happens over a skinny macchiato. also, you look gay as a picnic basket ordering, and more so, drinking, a venti double pumpkin spice latte. i would like to see you in all your manly glory. loosen up your tie and drink a crown on the rocks, would ya.

a large part of me wonders why coffee dates are all the rage. thanks alot starbucks for making people think coffee shops are cool again. no bueno. walk in, get your coffee, walk out. thats why dunkin donuts is my jammm. they know whats up. would you ever accept a date to a dunkin donuts? god no. then why, when a place puts up a fancy sign, sells $6 coffee and bumps the latest emo hits, do you think its an acceptable date spot? this is not friends. maybe it was an interesting concept then, but rachel green was also wearing belly shirts. and unless youre willing to bring that fashion statement back as well, i say we leave coffee houses in the past. ive come to the conclusion that it could be one of a few reasons. let me start with my least favorite...

the money. coffee dates are, obviously, much cheaper than real dates. at most, youre spending $15 for both parties, tip included. no one drinks five coffees on a date. its a one and done type thing. so the guy is saving himself some serious dough. this reason bothers me the most because, and call me shallow if youd like, who asks someone out and doesnt expect to spend money?! im all about being frugal. youre surprised, i know, that im not rolling around in my luxurious teacher salary. but theres a point where frugality has to take a backseat to life. i do hate money flashers. but i would appreciate a little "spenditure" because most likely, my outfit combined with the time it took me to get ready and the hard work its takes for me to be utterly charming, is worth more than a measly $7.50. not really interested in this guy. another reason i came up with is the casualty factor. ive noticed an uprising in men who like to keep it simple. i can deal a little better with this guy. we dont know one another that well, maybe met in a bar or through a mutual friend. maybe havent met at all. in his eyes, its a great way to keep things from being too serious. my sister k is currently "dating" a really cool guy. hes a little more interested in a serious thing than she is, which hes shown. but everytime he mentions a bf/gf scenario, he usually follows very quickly with a retractment or an alternate idea. he knows its too much. so he pulls back and turns it into something more casual. so whether for his own agenda or the comfort level of the girl, this second guy is trying to keep things veryyy casual. and sorry, but i think this reason is corny for the sheer fact that if i dont want to go out with you, ill say no. a no is a no, whether its to get coffee or cruise to the bahamas. if i dont want to go, it doesnt matter where youre taking me. its still a no. the third reason i came up with is that maybe hes trying out the maturity card. how very sophisticated and business-like of me to ask her out for coffee. as he sits in his study with his velvet robe and pipe. if i wanted to date an old man, i would check out the golf course. not interested buddy. do they think that will win a woman over? no. act your age. not my grandparents.

so who knows. maybe im way off. but i feel as though, no matter how you slice it, its just not okay. and this is my life were talking about. if you enjoy the freedom of a coffee date, be my guest. and im not asking for a weekend away in aspen as the first date. i usually tweak out at the idea of simply going to dinner. it makes me mucho nervous. having spent almost the last five years of my life going to dinner with the same guy, it makes me incredibly anxious thinking of spending that time with someone else. what would i say? wear? eat? yikes. so the shorter, less awkward date is right up my alley. but with nerves the size of texas, you cant really expect me to settle them over a coffee. i need wine. or champagne. or tequila pumped straight into my veins. and to be honest, a road soda would be completely inappropriate for a coffee date. how else is a girl to prepare? so im hoping this coffee phenomenon will fade out. the line has to be drawn somewhere. and for me, it falls just short of a coffee date. lets save that for a sunday when were married and pushing our stroller of kids through the center of town after church. if this keeps going, the next thing you know, hell be calling you at seven am on a saturday to go with him to the dog park....  but god if that isnt a story for another day.

thank you, anonymous

my job is safe. of that i am lucky. when people ask if ill be losing my job, i often joke that im not worried because no one wants it. which is actually quite true. do you remember yourself in seventh grade? you were a quite surly, hormonally imbalanced, insecure know-it-all, who was too cool for family, curfews, and school. multiply that by 107 and youre spending a day in my life. am i crazy? maybe a little bit. but i wouldnt trade my job for the world. with recent budget cuts and not enough retirees in my district, we are facing some unfortunate issues. i am not in any way comparing our hardships to those of my many teacher friends and family who are losing jobs completely. my district, with strong support for our union, is doing everything in their power to maintain jobs for all current employees. but that means, without boring you with teachery details, that they have to move people around because of the certifications they hold. this is the unfortunate part. its splitting up grade level teams with a good rapport, forcing teachers to spend what they thought of as a summer off learning a new curriculum, and generally getting used to the idea of starting over in the fall. i feel incredibly blessed and thankful everyday that i have a job, any job, in the current economy.  this is not meant to come through as a complaint. i just wanted to preface the following article with my thoughts. i feel for everyone going through this. and i wouldnt want to be in their shoes. but i do hope that all of this is sorted soon, because there are bigger issues facing education. ones that will not be fixed by cutting budgets, firing employees, or adopting the "next big thing" in education reform. if we just all take a deep breath and head back to basics for a reality check, i think youll see that the same problems still face our children and will continue to do so as long as we live in a world with poverty, unemployment, difficult family dynamics and socioeconomic issues.

i attempt to take no credit for the following article. i wish i could give credit to the amazing person who holds these thoughts. however, all i can provide is that it was published on may 12, 2010 in the opinion section of my local paper. and in that sense, thank you, mr. or ms. anonymous. i appreciate your sentiment more than you will ever know. thank you for putting my daily thoughts and emotions into such an eloquent piece. i often think and feel things things, but can never express them with the grace and intelligence that you have managed.  i found myself nodding and close to tears at many points. so thank you, whoever you are :)

pros and cons of proposed school reform

"don't just stand there! do something!" that could be the motto of too many of the school reform movements. either that or "ready. fire. aim."

there's no doubt that there are some fundamental problems in the american education system. federal programs such as no child left behind and race to the top are attempts to get at them. so are local programs like vineland's "small learning communities" at the high school.

it's difficult to know whether these new programs are effective. education is a bit like a glacier. it doesn't make quick moves. progress can be measured only over time. that's the reason we're very concerned about new jersey's education reform program unveiled by education commissioner bret schundler last week. 

schundler said the christie administration will encourage the legislature to pass a bill endorsing the broad concept that student learning would be the chief factor by which the state should evaluate education. sounds reasonable until you start to figure out how we define and then accurately measure "student learning."

standardized tests? we know that the wealthy school districts in north jersey far outdistance urban districts like vineland, millville and bridgeton. is that the fault of our local schools and local educators?

take a child from one of those upper crust schools. he or she is in a community with big homes and few apartments, meaning people don't keep moving around every few months. he or she is more likely to live in a home with two parents, and often both of them are college graduates. the family has the income for some travel, and books and educational opportunities. 

now look at cumberland county. we have the lowest percentage of four-year college graduates in the state. we have the lowest annual income and the highest unemployment rate. it isn't necessarily that the parents don't value education; some may simply not know how to encourage their children to succeed.

put teachers on a merit pay system? can teachers be fairly rated when they have kids in class whose families have moved three times this year, regularly disrupting the educational process? how do you rate the seventh-grade teacher who is dealing with students who have shown learning problems that haven't been dealt with over the years? how do you allow for the fact that -- although the politicians don't like to hear it -- some kids are simply smarter than others, and some have parents who are unable or unwilling to make sure their kids do homework and go to school regularly?

here are some more problems with merit pay for teachers. do we expect teachers and schools to cure all of society's ills that negatively affect student performance and education -- poverty, lack of health insurance, homelessness, single-parent homes, teen pregnancy and unemployment? and what about adequate school funding for poorer school districts -- funds the state is reducing? money isn't everything, but it would be naive or disingenuous to say state-of-the-art facilities and up-to-date computers and other educational materials don't matter or make a big difference in the quality of education.

who is going to evaluate those teachers on a merit pay system? let the computer do the scoring without considering those outside factors? we hear a constant drumbeat from the community that there are too many administrators in the schools. well, just think about how many supervisors would be needed to do detailed, frequent observations of the dozens of teachers in each school if they had to be evaluated for extended tenure programs or merit pay.

we're not suggesting that schools are fine and all teachers are great. they aren't. but we need to be wary of simplistic solutions that make the politicians feel triumphant while doing nothing to address day-to-day problems that are inherent in the education system.

five years

yesterday would have been five years. yesterday i might have been wearing an engagement ring. yesterday  i might have been looking at houses. yesterday i might have been planning a wedding. yesterday i might have just been relaxing and basking in the love in my life. yesterday might not have been perfect or ridiculously romantic, but it would have been special.

instead, i spent yesterday in a tshirt drinking beer at a local bar watching fights. with k and a bunch of guys. [sidenote: if youre looking for a fella, a bar on ufc night is most definitely where you want to be. its a manfest!] was it terrible? no. i even met a guy who bought me drinks, made me laugh, and held my attention for a good hour. its doubtful that hes my future husband, or even someone ill date in the future, but it did take my mind off things. and im incredibly impressed with myself for not sobbing into the shoulder of said stranger about my five year un-anniversary. or texting d to see how he was handling the day. or if he even remembered. all in all, it was a pretty okay day. every time, and there were approximately fifty, the "what ifs" graced my thoughts i quickly pushed them out. but i need to admit to myself how much it bothered me. so there it is. i spent most of yesterday, wishing i could go back in time and fix whatever went wrong to leave me out of the situations i expected to be in yesterday. im not naive. i know that no matter what was fixed or done differently, i would still eventually end up where i am. and i should be thankful that im here today, and not another five years from now. but right now i cant. and hopefully soon i will. but for now i will just try to keep hoping. that things will turn out the way they are supposed to. my good friend a reminded me that it is this way for a reason, that there is a better love out there. lets just hurry that life along, fate. im starting to worry.