a little respect

ladies, let me give you some advice. you can throw all your stupid fucking chick lit, self-help, why-doesnt-he-love-me books out, because this is all you need to know: men will treat you the way you let them. there is no such thing as "deserving" respect; you get what you demand from people. if you demand respect, he will either respect you or he wont associate with you. its really that simple.  [tucker max - i hope they serve beer in hell]

why is it that so many times in life, we claim that we are demanding respect, when in fact, thats not the least were willing to accept? i know im just as guilty of this as the next person. but my question is why. what makes us think that a little respect, or a different persons opinion of respect, or sometimes no respect at all, is enough? ive read the silly books tucker talks about. ive gone through the stages. the denial, the realization, the depression, the optimism, the empowerment. ive been beat down and pulled back up, ready to start again and find someone who is, in fact, just that into me. and faster than you can say "all you need is love," i throw myself back into the dating game, absolutely positive that mr. right is just around the corner, waiting to be scooped up by newly confident, freshly romanticized me. and yet, weeks or even months later, i find myself nose to toes in another book that promises to bring out the best version of me whos ready to find the one.

tucker has a valid point. men will absolutely treat you the way you let them. i know i often accept less than what i think i deserve, falling back into the idea that there really is no such thing as perfect. and if its good now, or it was good at one point, or it has the potential to be good, why ruin a "good" thing? but is that really my definition of good? and if it is, then dont i want better? i know i deserve someone who will treat me well. but aside from that, i can deserve deserve deserve til im blue in the face. it doesnt mean ill get it. i enjoy his use of the word demand. there is a world of difference between deserve and demand. by accepting the less than acceptable, i am lowering the standards of what i deserve. and im sure as hell not demanding anything at that point.

i spent a good portion of this summer, preaching about what i deserved, but not really demanding it. i learned alot about myself this summer, especially as a single girl. and to be honest, she scares me a little. single me is like a bipolar teenager. one minute im happy as a clam, skipping through life with a smile on my face and a vwl in hand. the next, im listening to van morrison on repeat and contemplating spending a week in bed. the extremes are almost too much. and i know im dramatic. always have been. doubt thats going to change anytime soon. and for the most part, i wasnt on opposite end of the looney bin spectrum. i was floating somewhere in the middle, figuring things out as i went. but in particular situations, i found myself way too close to the deep end.

i cant put my finger on why certain things bothered me more than others, only venturing to guess that you cant help how you feel. hopefully, ive cleared some of the clutter. but ive been struggling with it all for awhile now, and honestly, struggling with this post as well. i still dont feel like its finished or im "done" but will i ever be? i should be. tucker gives it to me straight. either he will respect me or he wont associate with me. ding ding, i think we have our answer. and ill be honest, theres not an overflow of respect going on over here, so i think you can imagine with path he chose. so why am i not done? hopefully, in posting, i will find some answers and rekindle my arena for letting my thoughts out. and with that, maybe ill find a solution. or at least put an end to some of this nonsense swimming around in my head. somethings got to give, right?