love the one youre with

ah the winter rut. i feel like, single or committed, busy or idle, elated or depressed, winter is sucky for all. at first, its fine. oh how beautiful, snow! wow look at all the pretty decorations! awesome, its time to pull out that slouchy sweater i practially sleep in. but then, it hits. its just too long til the sun and the sand. the weather will not cooperate with my wardrobe. i feel frumpy and lonely and just plain annoyed. and everywhere i turn, the romans are screwing with me. their stupid calender with their dumb holidays about love and togetherness. really? you had to clump them all together into the coldest, most miserable months of the year? its not bad enough? thanksgiving, ok. family, brotherhood, lots of fabulous food. obviously, im down with a holiday dedicated entirely to eating. then you snap your fingers and christmas is lurking. more love, more sap, more blah. those silly little romans make you think its all over, then bam, valentines day. woof. ive already dedicated my life (and liver) to the cause. let the blackout commence. as it stands, all the single ladies [you know you wana sing it] are planning a weekend chock full of unromantic things. mostly drinking. and hopefully canoodling with strangers.

so in the midst of my somewhat depressing state, ive decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. although i have sad moments, mostly while watching the bazillions of commercials for engagement rings and proposals, i am mostly enjoying the shit out of my life. maybe even a bit too much? which brings me to my point. yes, there actually is one.

stephen stills said it best: if you cant be with the one you love, love the one youre with. amen. this rings true, especially if the one you love is not worthy of said love. and never was. and most likely, never will be. where do they do personality transplants again? ok great. ill send him to mars. but enough about him. there are those you "think" you love. because you should. and you sometimes confuse the comfort of security with love. but theres really no love for him. and there are those you have loved before, and feel like you still do. but only in lonely moments. the rest of the time, youre just sighing with relief at the fact that youll never again have to ask him to empty to dishwasher. the same dishwasher you loaded. at six am before you left for work. with all of his dirty dishes. that were in the sink right next to it. grrrr. see what i mean? loved him, but thats in the past. which brings us to the one youre with. hes the one i like. the one who went to the trouble of making an actual dinner reservation for a date, instead of picking you up with the question "so what do you wana eat?" the one who texts you the morning after the bar, saying it was really great to meet you and was very serious when he said hed like to take you out. and soon. the one who knows youre drinking something not available at the moment, and goes to the trouble of ordering it for you. the one who listens when you speak and remembers the things you say. the one who says little things, like that you have a beautiful smile or that you make him laugh. the one who appreciates what you do for a living and is curious about your lifestyle. that guy. in the past few months of my life, there have been guys. ranging from the completely uninterested in anything but themselves to the stage five clingers unable to take a hint. and somewhere in between, the last few weeks have been full of the one youre with. and im loving it.