its the most annoying question and they just cant help asking you. youll be asked it at family gatherings, particularly weddings. men will ask you it on first dates. therapists will ask you over and over again. and youll ask yourself it far too often. its the question that has no good answer, and that never makes anyone feel better. its the question, that when people stop asking it, makes you feel even worse.
and yet, i cant help but ask. why are you single? you seem like an awfully nice person. and very attractive. i just dont understand it.
but times are changing. in almost every country around the world, the trend is for people to remain single longer and to divorce more easily. as more and more women become economically independent, their need for personal freedom increases, and that often results in not marrying so quickly.
a human being's desire to mate, to pair up, to be part of a couple, will never change. but the way we go about it, how badly we need it, what we are willing to sacrifice for it, most definitely is.
so maybe the question isnt anymore, "why are you single?" maybe the question you should be asking yourself is "how are you single?" its a big new world out there and the rules keep changing. so, tell me ladies, hows it going?
[how to be single by liz tuccillo]
one of the saddest moments in my summer (slash life?) to date: a boy i was quite interested in, wakes up on the left side of my bed the morning after the first night he sleeps there and rolls over to get smacked in the face with a book on my nightstand titled "how to be single" - ugh. if thats not a red flag, i dont know what is. he makes a joke about the ridiculousness of it all, obviously. at which point, poor pitiful me tries to remedy the situation by immediately feeling the overwhelming need to explain that, duh, its not a self-help book, but merely a novel. a little light beach reading, if you will. why oh why couldnt a witty and charming excuse leave my lips that allowed me to giggle my way out of that conversation, while simultaneously flipping my perfect morning hair over my shoulder and appearing relaxed? weirdly enough, things progressed smoothly from there. for awhile at least. and now, the crazy dance that is my brain function, is wondering why things didnt work out with said boy. [sidenote: he is being called a boy, because he is, in fact, a boy. if he were a man, or even an almost man, i would use the term that applies.] now, my mind wanders to that very moment. so thank you, liz, for your attempt to save my singledom that likewise thwarted current efforts to change that status. and being the rational, level headed being that i am, i have chosen to blame this unrelationship purely on liz. at least for the next moment or two of pouting. once i settle myself, i will begin to address the question she (and everyone else i know) is asking me. or not asking. which, as she mentions, is quite possibly worse.
how am i single? gosh, i dont know. im a catch. someone should have scooped me up by now. but before i go on about the many redeeming qualities i possess, lets cut to the chase. i honestly think liz should stop sugarcoating the obvious and revert back to her previous question. why am i single? let me count the ways. i could babble for hours about the reasons why i am probably single. but in the days (weeks) i have reread and edited and rewrote this particular blog post, i believe i have narrowed it down. let the circus begin...
some people are weird about germs or the color of boys socks or sharing food. and i do not judge them. so please do not judge me for the following. reason one: i cannot date a poor speller. its all fun and games while hes making cute conversation at the bar, but the first text message that reads "your a great girl" or "im definately excited to see you" is like nails on a chalkboard to me. i guess that would fall under poor grammar as well. but cmon people. this may be me, being a little compulsive, but thats life. i truly cannot get over it. there have been many a cute boy who fell victim to this trap. and only a select few made it through. most likely because they did not possess any of the following qualities. i chose poor spellers as the first reason, because i figured if you were still reading at this point and not throwing up, you look past my shallow as a kiddie pool exterior and love me for who i am on the inside. a legit looney bin. on to the next one. reason two: i am obsessive compulsive to the n'th degree and that is something that will never change. the sheer sight of dishes not loaded into an empty dishwasher and instead left in what was the freshly scrubbed sink is enough to send me to the couch for hours with cucumber slices over my eyes and the sounds of my tranquil rain forests itunes playlist in the background. i know. im being extreme. but that does not mean there was not a day [or possibly days] that d found me in that exact position. life is hard. my job is hard. bills and money woes and cooking dinner is hard. some things should just be easy. and if you cannot provide me with those small comforts, then youre stamping your own expiration date. reason three: i am incredibly impatient. if i call you, i expect you to answer. if i text you, i expect a prompt response. or at least a response at all. if we make plans, i do not expect you to break them for some asinine reason. ok, maybe i shouldnt say im impatient. i have the utmost patience for that cute woman spending close to an hour in the crosswalk. or a seventh grader with horrid test taking skills who needs an extra two hours to finish. or a small child reading his or her way through a book for the first time. or a bride walking slowly down an aisle to take it all in on the happiest day of her life. what i do not have patience for, is your purposeful shortcomings. there is no reason why a grown ass man cannot manage to both charge and use a cell phone properly. or make and keep plans. if there is no medical or psychological reason for your flakiness, then get your shit together. and call me when you do. reason four: i am not willing to settle. so hes an investment banker who is willing to spend lots of cash money on you; but hes a cheater. so hes a really down to earth guy who treats you well; but gets sloppy drunk and immature like a high schooler with his first beer every single time he goes out with the guys. so hes in a similar career field and you have so much in common; but his views on family and religion and commitment in general suck. its not six to one, half dozen to the other when it comes to relationships. i want it all.
does that mean im only willing to be with someone whos a pure italian, practicing catholic, rich with a six figure job and fully functional family background? no. but there are certain qualities that im looking for. many of which i have found the complete opposite of in relationships past. do i regret anything? no, because it has taught me what i want and what i deserve. so there you go, liz. and everyone. that is why im single. im sure there are a bazillion other reasons, many centering on my inability to be a respectable half of a relationship, but for now, thats all ive got. i know that some of the above is a little ridiculous, and will change with time. but at least im being honest with myself. i do not think the entirety of the reason im single is due to the guy. i know im an active player in the game of my singledom. but i just cant see myself settling. not now, not ever. until then. . . this is how im single.
