to fistpump or not to fistpump?

that is the question. leave it to mtv to come up with the most ridic show they could think of. thank you mtv. lets give america oneee more reason to make fun of new jersey. lets encourage all the idiots out there to think of new jersey as one big mass of blowouts and acrylic nails. for anyone who is NOT familiar, this is not my life:

and this is definitely not my life:

these people are freaks. i can pretty much attest to the fact that i have never, nor will i ever, nor does anyone i know, own a skintight leather miniskirt. and i would put money on the fact that if they did, for whatever kinky reason i dont want to know about, they would notttt wear it to a shore bar. as im sure everyone has heard a million times, new jersey is like two states. but it really is! if you walked into the dead dog saloon in sea isle city, aka my little piece of heaven on earth, wearing a "shirt" that resembles a silk scarf and four inch peeptoe wedges. . . the band would stop playing and make fun of you via microphone. the patrons would spit their drinks across the bar. the bartender would ask you if you were the live entertainment for the bachelor party in the back corner. no one looks like that. in most sea isle bars, youre lucky if the guests have actually showered from the beach. the atmosphere is very lowkey. it is perfectly acceptable to drink out of a fishbowl, a child size mug with a straw, or a plastic solo cup. in some bars, you can go topless. guys, that is. drinks are approx $1. you will hear crazy renditions of classic rock songs like dont stop believing from about six different bands as the summer goes on. bathing suits are almost always accepted. high heels, however, are not. if youre looking at a guy with gel in his hair, you most likely will run in the other direction.

if asked to determine between north and south jersey in a polite way, i would say it deals with the topic of maintenance. north jersey = very high maintenance. south jersey = so very not. i just cannot deal. i just ask one thing. mtv and everyone else who thinks exposing this part of new jersey is a good idea, please determine where exactly you are talking about. seaside heights makes my skin crawl. let the world know that you are, in fact, telling the story of what a north jersey summer looks like. and leave the rest of us alone to enjoy our sunday jam, lemonades, no shower happy hour, sidewinders, od floor, 302s, table dives, conga lines and rains down in africa.