operation: looneytunes

 i find the following to be a pretty accurate representation of my life. my current state of insanity remains intact. these are probably definitely some of the reasons why.


a: i did, for a fact, google "flag football rules" approx five minutes ago. im forced to question my entire gym class career. my homeroom has gym one day a week and the teacher (despite being quite the fossil) manages to teach flag football. how do i not know how to play this game? i can play pingpong and complete six minute abs with the best of them, but yet ive never been taught the cardinal rules of flag football. wussy buena gym class. i feel deprived. ok ok heres the deal. i know i had the option to learn flag football in gym. but thats just it. they gave us a choice. individually work out in the weight room, play girly games like badminton, or get sweaty and most likely heavily injured playing rough games in the middle of a school day. uhhhhh im sorry gym curriculum? im a fourteen year old girl. what you do you think is going to happen here?

b: the reason behind the googling lies in the fact that i am playing flag football next thursday. yes, ill give you a minute to compose yourself. i imagine the picture in your head will not even do justice to exactly how ridiculous ill look that day. to be honest, im petrified. i watch quite a bit of football (go ravens!) and im pretty sure i know the rules. but i have never in my life played flag football. teacher vs. student "turkey bowl" for charity. and i think im kind of a crazy person. i cannot play a game where i have to just "play nice" and rip a belt off of someone to win. pshh this is so not my game. and how do i feel about losing? lets just say im not a big fan. and i feel as though were going to lose. not on principle, because theyre kids and its for a good cause and blah blah. but because we are actually, hands down, going to be terrible. damn its hard being an adult. on a positive note, it should be absolutely freaking hilarious.

c: dont ever ask a group of seventh graders what a pseudonym is. they dont know. and dont continue that ridiculousness by asking four classes of seventh graders, hoping that one of them will know. they wont. and when you finally explain that a pseudonym is a catchier, often shorter version of an actor/author's name, dont embarass yourself by talking about how cool it is. and giving example after example of some of the worlds most untouchable writers and their pseudonyms. seventh graders dont think its cool. they will respond with something along these lines: "uhhh yea, real cool (sarcasm). so is that like when miley cyrus turns into hannah montana?" yikes. really guys? youre only frame of reference is hannah freaking montana? thats my balloon of hope popping.

d: i saved this for last because i think it proves just how looney i get during the school year. ive been contemplating the relevance of this statement for about a week and i think its in the final stages. im ready to present this idea. its okay, i think im a wack, too. i think that adults should have dress up. halloween is not nearly enough time in my life to dress in ridiculous things. being student council chair this year is really coming in handy. so many more spirit weeks in the works than last year. how old am i? twelve? also, im really looking forward to putting those little black football lines on my face next thursday. like realllly looking forward to it. i think thats half the reason im playing. oh god. what is my life coming to?