[say] what you [mean] what you [say]

if god (or who/whatever you believe in) didnt want you to share your thoughts and feelings, you would not have been given a mouth. short of being the ventriloquist to your dummy, the rest is up to you. understandably, it is often difficult to tell someone how you really feel. it could lead to embarrassment, heartbreak or just plain awkwardness. but one would think that it would be more difficult to analyze how you feel, twist and turn that feeling into the exact opposite, and express that new and totally untrue feeling to someone else, giving them the impression that you actually feel the opposite of the way you do. only to come back to the topic in a record short amount of time and blow it all to pieces with the actual truth, the one you should have told in the first place.

wait. back it up. now im even confusing myself. my whole point is, why waste the time on all that jazz? why not just tell the truth and get it out of the way? i would say "you cant hate someone for telling the truth" but we all know thats a joke. bitterness happens, pretty often in life. but i will say this, i would hate someone a lot less for serving me a smaller helping of bullshit.

ive never been in the mind of a boy. maybe they deal with this feeling, too. i just dont know. but i do know this. i would put some serious cash down on the fact that i dont know a single girl who hasnt heard a variation of the following statement at least once in her young life:

"im just not ready for a commitment." 

well sir, if thats the case, then i should not have met your mother. i should not have drank beers with your guy friends while watching sports. i should not have accompanied you to a wedding, work function or family outing. i should never have been asked what "we" are doing tonight. i should not have been taken to a restaurant that requires heels and houses a wine sommelier.  i should not have shared a grocery cart, toothpaste tube, or set of pots and pans with you. i should not have been taken to a sold out concert or sporting event. i should not have heard any form of the line, "finally we get to meet you. weve heard so much about you". i should not have been spoonfed chicken soup when i had the flu. i should not have been the one to choose the satc movie over transformers. i should not have had my hand held in any public place. and most importantly, i should not have been told in any way that you, in fact, do want to be in a committed relationship. 

if everyone just meant what they said -- or better yet, said nothing, life would be good. but im not living in a dream world. i know that as long as men and women are built the way they have been for a bazillion years, nothing major will change. and even if change does happen, it most likely wont in my lifetime. or at least waaay too late into my love life for me to be remotely happy. aka when im in the midst of old maid status. so i guess what needs to change is me. you cant expect change from others unless you are willing to do some minor touch-ups on yourself. i already know what i expect from a potential relationship. but somewhere in between "hey there. im mr. wrong" and "this just isnt what im looking for" i lose the confidence to accept only that. its a harsh dating world out there. i need to utilize that thick skin im not scared to show off in other situations. i need to bring it into my love life. ill never get what im looking for if i settle for what i happen to stumble across.